Ep 160: A Journey of IVF, Ovarian Cancer, Surrogacy, and Motherhood with Jess Jata
Fertility Forward Episode 160:
Every single fertility journey is unique and often, things don’t go as planned. Today on Fertility Forward, we are joined by ovarian cancer survivor and mom of twins, Jess Jata to hear all about her unexpected journey and how infertility actually saved her life. Tuning in, you’ll hear all about how Jessica’s IVF experience led her to being diagnosed with ovarian cancer and having an emergency hysterectomy. We delve into how she managed to start a family through surrogacy, what gave her strength during such a challenging time, what Jess shares on her Instagram community, and so much more! Finally, our guest discusses the path to getting stronger in the face of hardship and as always, shares what she’s grateful for today. To hear all of this and so much more from such an inspirational and resilient woman, press play now!
Rena: Hi everyone. We are Rena and Dara and welcome to Fertility Forward. We are part of the wellness team at RMA of New York, a fertility clinic affiliated with Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. Our Fertility Forward podcast brings together advice from medical professionals, mental health specialists, wellness experts, and patients because knowledge is power and you are your own best advocate.
Dara: Jessica Jata is an ovarian cancer survivor. What began as a fertility checkup at a reproductive endocrinologist with Dr. Flisser at RMA of New York, transformed into a long winding journey. But the end result could not have been more worth it. Jess's life was saved and she brought home not one, but two special boys. Today she's here to tell her story, which will surely leave an impression on all those who hear it. So Jess, I'm so happy that you're, you're here. We've been hearing so much about you from our team here at RMA and thanks for being on here today.
Jess: Thanks for having me.
Rena: Yeah, it's such a pleasure to meet you and we're so excited to share your story with our listeners. So, I wanna dive right in and tell us a little bit about your journey.
Jess: Yeah, absolutely. So I got married in 2019 and I wanted to start a family shortly after. So my husband, Ben, and I, we tried to get pregnant unsuccessfully for about a year and we were highly recommended to go check out RMAs clinic. We knew multiple families who were able to start their families with the help of RMA and its doctors. So I was connected to Dr. Flisser probably sometime in 2020 during Covid. Everybody around me seemed to be getting pregnant during Covid, but not me! So, I met Dr. Flisser, we really liked him and we were getting set up to start IVF in 2021. We were gonna do it at the top of the year in January and so, we were preparing for that. Leading up to the IVF I was told that I had what seemed to be a benign ovarian cyst. I got multiple opinions and the plan was to remove this cyst before going into IVF, just to remove it as a variable from the already complex process. So, right before the IVF was planned to start on January 4th, I had a routine cyst removal surgery and walked out of there ready to start all my meds. But when I went back for a checkup about two weeks later, the doctor that did the surgery was perplexed. He said this was so rare that what appeared to be a benign cyst was actually a malignant tumor. And we were quickly referred to a gynecological oncologist to get an additional surgery. So my IVF was put on hold. I was pretty upset about it, but at this point it seemed like I was gonna get another surgery to remove the ovary that was affected and possibly the fallopian tubes and then I could go right to doing an egg retrieval and everything else. But plans changed. Unfortunately, after that second surgery, I found out that they didn't take anything because the cancer had spread throughout my abdomen. So I had to go in for a total hysterectomy only a week after that second surgery. My husband, Ben, and I had literally no time to process the devastation of me no longer being able to not just do an egg retrieval but carry our child at all. This was tremendous grief to carry, but I went into survival mode. I mean, all I could do was think I have this gigantic surgery ahead of me and behind that is chemo. So, we went ahead with the hysterectomy in February of 2021. The surgery was very successful. It was very extensive, removed my entire reproductive system and thensome. Following that I did four or five months of chemotherapy and emerged in remission, which was incredible. I had stage three ovarian cancer. So the diagnosis was pretty serious. All the while though, Dr. Flisser and his team stayed in touch with us, which was pretty incredible. I know RMA has hundreds, maybe thousands of clients and patients, but he was pretty distraught when he heard what happened to us. So he stayed in touch with us and shortly after my chemo was done, he let us know that a new surrogacy program was coming to RMA, that this could be a good option for us. His team also provided us with an extensive list of egg donor agencies. So they were right there, like, to get us prepared if that was an avenue we wanted to explore. So this is when things get a little interesting. We had kind of thought we weren't gonna do anything. I was just so glad to be healthy. We went about a year without thinking about starting a family and just enjoying being healthy and being happy together. We bought a home. But then after about a year, the itch to start a family returned and we knew we had to do surrogacy. My husband and I were intent on having at least part of a biological child with him. And so he went back to RMA and he started the process. He got fully checked out. We used one of their egg donor agencies to find an egg donor. And then miraculously around the same time, we were matched with an absolute incredible surrogate who was out-of-state. She lives in Oklahoma. So RMA helped us kind of orchestrate a lot of different things. We had an egg donor from Florida, we had Ben's genetic material in New York, and then we had a surrogate in Oklahoma. And so we did three transfers, two of which took place outside of RMA because of where our surrogate lived. But ultimately we had one embryo left and it was a healthy boy embryo. We brought all of them, the surrogate, the egg donor, the embryo to New York. And we did our final transfer on November of 2023. And not only did our surrogate get pregnant, but it split into identical boy twins!
Dara: Wow!
Jess: So RMA took us on a journey of twin parenting and pregnancy, which was totally crazy, but I really believe that without them we would not have our twins. The process, the protocol, and the support were, like, unmatched. We had obviously dealt with different doctors and clinics throughout the process, but RMA we could tell from the second we stepped in there again, they knew what they were doing and we have twins to, to say yes, they knew exactly what they were doing! They gave us double the love and double the baby. And we are now happy, healthy parents of two seven month old baby boys.
Rena: Oh my gosh. Wow. What a inspiring but also heart wrenching, moving story and what, and you are and, and Ben and and your whole team, you know, it really took a team to get you there.
Dara: You went through quite, quite a bit. And it sounds as though it, from what you mentioned, it kind of happened so suddenly it, it probably didn't give you a lot of time to let things sink in. How were you able to, or how did you get the, the support to be able to to go through what you went through?
Jess: Yeah, it was very sudden and devastating and shocking. Like people knew I was going to start IVF and then when I said, actually we're pivoting, I'm going to surgery and treatment, it was shocking. I think the best thing that happened was you realize, like, what your priority is very quickly. It's certainly important to be able to start a family, but you, you can't have a family if you're not there and you're not healthy and stable. So I felt like we went into survival mode pretty quickly and when we communicated that to RMA, 'cause as you know, RMA gets you, like, all set up. You have your schedule for the next couple of months, your medications arrive, it's expensive. There are a slew of people at RMA that juggle all of the things you need to do, but as soon as we told them what was happening, they also went into a different mode. There was a lot of empathy. A lot of like, do not worry about a thing. You just let us know when you are able or you wanna talk to us again. We felt like they were very understanding and so having the support of them and their team and then also the support of my friends and family made me feel like I could let go a little bit because you feel so out of control. And honestly I think a lot of IVF, I didn't go through it, but knowing about it, you feel a little bit outta control and it's so important to be with a team that gets that and is, like, on call to answer all those questions and support you. So while I didn't go through that with RMA, they felt like they were monitoring us and checking in with us. And I talk a lot about this journey on Instagram and I started kind of taking record of everything and putting into posts on Instagram and once in a while I would tag RMA because they were involved in, like, our fertility journey and that was really how I discovered the cancer. My infertility saved my life, like hands down. So they would comment and engage with me and repost us and it felt like they were following along. Like, they didn't just drop us 'cause we didn't do IVF. They stuck with us and I was so relieved when we came back around in time to do our surrogacy journey that they were part of that. And Dr. Flisser was part of it, like it was like a family that didn't leave your side. So I felt like getting that support from the get go enabled me to focus on getting through what I had to get through and then staying in touch with the clinic, like, making sure they knew where we were at, what we were considering. That was a big part 'cause we didn't just reappear. There was correspondences and dialogue that happened leading up to that and I felt like they started to look to me as someone that went through it from a different angle. You know, so many people go to RMA, like for IVF or egg retrievals, but I was a cancer survivor that needed them at a different time than maybe other people. So it was kind of cool to go through that journey with them.
Rena: What would you say was the most helpful for you? It sounds like connecting with people, the team, it sounds like you were super open about this, you didn't go through it alone. Would you say that that's what really sort of kept up your spirits and gave you strength?
Jess: Absolutely. I discovered an entire community I didn't know existed. I developed an empathy for cancer survivors and people who have to take care of them and love them and be a part of their lives that I didn't have before. It's important to add, and this makes my story sound even crazier, but my dad was a cancer patient and I went through chemotherapy at the same time as him. So, and I'm an only child, so my mom was like, what, what the heck did we sign up for here? I mean, what is going on? But you really get a crash course in empathy and seeing it from a lot of different angles when you're going through it. And then also someone you love is going through it. And I think a lot of people have someone in their family that has cancer or had cancer and until you've been touched by that, you don't really feel the depth of emotion that you do when you see people walking around who have lived through it. Especially those who had breast or gynecological cancers that literally cannot start a family without intervention. Whether it's a really quick egg retrieval before you go to surgery or therapy or it's surrogacy and egg donorship. And it's a really tough decision to make because ultimately you're surrendering part of what you thought was gonna be a very typical pregnancy and journey to starting a family to science. But then you're quickly like, wow, thank God this exists. Both the measures to get you healthy again and the measures to help you create a family that would not exist without clinics like RMA. So the community that I discovered was something that I still hold near and dear and I'm a very active person in my job right now I think is to advocate for people who want to explore surrogacy or egg retrieval or fertility intervention and are scared because they are already juggling their health. And I hope that I can be a testament that you can and you will do it if you really wanna do it. And there are agencies and organizations and clinics that will help.
Rena: Well, I mean it sounds like of course this really changed your life and and your outlook and you know, as you said, you wouldn't have discovered any of this if it, if it weren't for you starting on the fertility journey. So, in effect it saved your life.
Jess: Absolutely.
Dara: Yeah. So I'm so amazed to see your, your perspective in terms of your, and you even said that when you're faced with so many challenges, it's kind of just like survival mode. You kind of just look ahead as opposed to, to looking back and then adding that element of your, of your father going through what he went through and, and having that perspective, you know, you're, you're a fighter. And then I just also love the fact that you now, from your own experience now are able to help people who are behind you who don't have the, the knowledge or don't know where to start in terms of finding the resources. You know, it's, it's so wonderful that you, it sounds like you had a community to help guide you in the right direction of, you know, the doctors to meet with the surrogacy clinics or, or companies. But now to give that back to people and to dedicate your life to that, it's a lot that's, it's pretty remarkable.
Jess: Yeah, I, I mean I'm only where I am because somebody else who was ahead of me helped me get on the right path. It was the same way to get into the right hospital with the right doctor and there was a friend that recommended that I went to RMA. So it's really important that you do pay it forward and you're always looking behind your shoulder like, who can I help get to this more stable point? Because change is inevitable and I'm definitely not someone who thinks that I'm gonna be cruising through the rest of my life. I mean cancer, a diagnosis like that, you become a chronic patient of some sort, whether you wanna admit it or not. And it's something that you have to be really on top of. And not everybody wants to be open with their cancer story or their fertility journey. I found that out really quickly when I thought my dad and I were gonna be like the spokespeople for our hospital. And he was like, no, no, no, like I don't wanna talk about this. I don't want people to see me without hair. I wanna do this quietly. And personally, and it was similar when I was posting about my fertility journey on Instagram and some people who were going through the same exact thing were really tightlipped about it. It was really hard for them to talk about and it was triggering. And so I found that you have to kind of gauge how people wanna be open about their journey. I'm an open book and I found that I, I think I've helped a lot of people get more comfortable with talking about infertility and being a cancer survivor on that journey. But it's not for everybody and that's totally cool. And I think one thing that RMA does well is they meet you where you're, you're at. And our surrogate was also an open book. So together we became very much storytellers about the journey. We often interacted with RMA on social media and they would repost our story and we thought that was really amazing. But they also are very sensitive to when people aren't open to that. And I thought that was nice.
Rena: Yeah, I mean, we say a lot on here that research shows that people that are open when going through a fertility journey, you know, and that could mean just with a therapist if you wanna be private about it, but, but sharing about it in whatever capacity really does decrease levels of anxiety and depression. And I think that's really important for people to know. Again, if you're not someone that wants to put it on social media or share with everyone, that's fine. There are many avenues about sharing and it, it can be private sharing, but keeping everything inside is certainly research indicates leads to higher levels of anxiety and depression.
Jess: I believe it definitely.
Dara: Yeah. Even even journaling, you know, I think that can be a, a, a private way to, to still help with trauma and help release, you know, instead of bottling things up. I think it is really healthy to, to let it out. So I wanted to hear about your, what, you know, some of the things that you kind of briefly mentioned some of the things that you share on your platform on Instagram. But can you give us just a couple of examples of some things that you kind of share with your, with your community?
Jess: Yeah, well way before any cancer diagnosis, I was a very active person. So a lot of my story has been regaining my strength and exploring different ways to get in touch with this new body and staying strong mentally and physically. So I do a lot of posts about just getting comfortable with the new world that I'm in. My body will never return to the way it was before. Two huge open abdominal surgeries and chemotherapy. I'm in menopause, it's not fun. I went into it surgically almost immediately after my hysterectomy and I post a lot about what some people consider to be taboo topics. So I'm a huge advocate for sexual wellness and advocacy around making sure that you don't forget that you're a human being and despite the surgeries or treatments you've had, like, pleasure and getting comfortable in your sexuality and in this body is so important. So I talk a lot about things that I don't see anywhere else because I think people need to hear about it. The different types of physical therapy and tools and exercises that you could do to strengthen your core and any part of your reproductive system that may have taken a hit during treatment or surgery. So that's important to me because I wanna be a voice that's very honest. Some people can tell a version of the story that looks good all the time, but I try to post all sides of the story. People have seen me barely able to walk, very sick, very frail, but then they've seen me in different points of the journey become strong again, trying yoga, trying barre, doing things I never did because I can't run like I used to. My bones are not as strong as they used to be. So I had to give up things that were like my tried and true ways of exercising and explore other ways to be fit and feel good. So exercising, mental health - I'm a huge advocate for therapy. I don't know what I would do without my therapist. My husband and I have been in couples therapy since I was diagnosed because there is so much grief and trauma that comes with helping somebody get through cancer. My husband was my caretaker. He bathed me, fed me, gave me medication through needles, he drained drains in my body. He's seen me very, very sick. And to this day I don't think he'll ever be the same. He carries around a lot of fear and anxiety about what will happen if it comes back. Spoiler alert, it did come back and spoiler alert, I am in remission again. So you kind of have to get used to the unpredictability of living with cancer and that you will get through it whether you enter remission again or not, you get wiser and stronger every time something like that happens so that you know how to handle it better.So I talk a lot about grief and therapy. Unfortunately in July of last year, my dad, who was my biggest cheerleader passed away from prostate cancer. He did not get to meet my sons in person. He did see me get healthy again. He did see me become a mom. He FaceTimed with me a lot and saw my boys as real as he could. But I was absolutely devastated and broken when he died. And it happened while we were living in Oklahoma because our children were in the NICU for three months out-of-state. So I had to fly home to see him. I wish I could have been home more, but he knew I was where I needed to be. One of the things he repeatedly told me was, you need to take care of those babies and you need to bring them home and I will take care of myself and do whatever I have to do to stay here as long as possible. And I, I get really choked up talking about it because he knew I wanted to be a mom. And when I got sick, all we could think of was like, you can't be a mom right now. You have to be healthy. You have to get healthy. So he was a big part of that. And a lot of what I talk about on my account is navigating not just the grief of cancer and the diagnosis and living with it, but like all the things that happen in life that you think, is this really happening to me? I mean, didn't I go through enough? But you're a human being and you're just gonna keep getting ups and downs. So his death and like the fallout of that was very, very hard as a new mom coming back from being out of the city for three months and with babies that, that needed extra care - they were preemies born at 32 weeks, high risk pregnancy. And then I come back and I, my dad is also gone. So I like to talk about things that are touchy subjects. Somebody needs to talk about them because you don't have a life where you just have one problem. You have a lot of things that blow up in your face in life. And a lot of people believe that one cancer diagnosis is enough. But honestly I have heard it, felt it and seen it all. So in a way I feel stronger than I've ever felt because I've had to navigate so many hurdles. But I'm also very sensitive to any moment something can happen. And so you have to absorb and savor every good moment when you feel good, when you're with your family because it can change in an instant. And it did for me at my diagnosis and it did for me with when the babies were born. So I like to tell the story of all the different chapters of grieving and joy because that's just how my life has been and it's gonna continue to be crazy, so…
Rena: Wow. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I wasn't expecting you to share that.
Dara: Me neither.
Rena: You know, you were, were talking about him. It sounded like he was, was here. So Wow. I mean, when you said that I got choked at, your story is really so full of ups and downs and the way you tell it, I mean it you, you're clearly such a strong person, really, really incredible. And but, but wow.
Jess: Thank you.
Rena: That story also…
Dara: And a beautiful storyteller. So I could yeah, just imagine you are, your listeners are learning so much. Everyone's story is unique and it's it's beautiful. I I could see, I could, I could only imagine that being forthright and forthcoming and being vulnerable really can help other people. What is your IG handle so we can listen to to what's going on?
Jess: Yeah, it's JJJourney21. JJ like Jessica Jata, me, and I started this journey in 2021, if you believe it, it's been like four years. This is monumental because in, in typical spirit of being transparent and honest, the survival rate for stage three 3c ovarian cancer beyond five years is about 40%. So recurrence of ovarian cancer at that stage is 80%. So I am definitely walking around very lucky, very grateful to not only be living this life here but have a family. The way that we started this family and the amazing people that helped us make it happen. It is, it's quite incredible. I would love anybody who wants to follow along to hear honest perspective on becoming a new parent, navigating cancer, and also navigating grief and the different things that I do to help me be able to still live a very happy life. It's not all about compartmentalizing and putting on a, a tough face. It's also about confronting those feelings and embracing them because they help you become stronger in the long run. It's just really hard to admit that when it really hurts. That's what my account is all about. So it's me telling my story about ovarian cancer, but also being a mom from surrogacy.
Rena: Wow. Amazing. I can't wait to check it out. And I would think too, sort of talking about embracing uncertainty, right? And how to just live in the day to day when you're sort of faced with Yyeah, with uncertainty, I mean as we all are and I think so many, we're able to, some of us are able to, we can compartmentalize things, right, and and exist in a day to day, but when there are things that we're dealing with, you know, whether it's a health diagnosis, infertility, whatever it may be, to exist in that uncertainty can be really hard and I think can cause so much anxiety.
Jess: Absolutely. It's so uncomfortable. But the path to really getting to a stronger you is to go through it, not just avoid it. And I think a lot of times in my life before my cancer diagnosis, I avoided because I didn't want the stress or the anxiety. And now on this other side, I welcome kind of going through it because it helps me find a lot of different layers in myself I didn't know existed. And then I share that with other people because I think somewhere out there there's someone who's saying, wow, I didn't think there was anybody else going through this weird thing like me. But someone, and they're doing okay and they're, they're helping me think that I'm gonna be okay too.
Rena: Yeah. Wow. What a gift that you really give to the world.
Dara: Such an inspiration. And I, and I also love that you are a big proponent of getting, of seeking support, of having therapy self, you know, therapy for yourself, couples therapy. I look at Rena, I say what Rena does is is it's such a blessing but it's nice to know to see other people who really get that support and normalize it.
Rena: Well it's such a pleasure to meet you and have you on and thank you so much. I know I can't imagine this is easy to, to talk about. And thank you so much for coming on and being so open and vulnerable and for the work that you do. I mean really what a, what a gift. So really excited to share your social media with everybody in this episode. Anything else that you would like to leave with listeners before we wrap up?
Jess: My mantra from the get go of diagnosis has always been, you can, you will. Sounds cliche, but in some of the hardest moments when you're like, there's no way I'm gonna get up and walk right now, or there's no way I'm gonna have the means to make a family work or the mental health to get through this really difficult time. You will, you will surprise yourself. And once you get that mentality, you can spread that to other people. I think that that kind of deep strength can be really contagious 'cause It's very inspiring and I have been through a lot of dark days, but I can continue to tell myself I can and I will get through this and I will see another day that will be brighter and I'll get through the days that are darker. So if anybody is listening and they are really discouraged about something or they are doubting that they can get through even the smallest of struggles, you will. You will and then you'll help somebody else get through it too.
Rena: I love it.
Dara: I love that. Very forward thinking. And very inspiring. So how we end our podcast is with words of gratitude. So Jess, what are you grateful for? I mean, you have so much to be grateful for. I'm, you know, but what are you grateful for at this very moment?
Jess: At this very moment in my life, I'm grateful for a newfound stability. We just bought a home in the suburbs. We left the city after 15 years and I miss it. But I'm grateful for some new roots to put down and a new routine. And I think that this will be a nice chapter for us. So I'm grateful to start it.
Rena: Oh, I love that. And you for anyone I think we're gonna release the video of this, but you have a very great color coded book.
Dara: Yeah.
Rena: I’ve been aadmiring this whole time going
Dara: Very organized.
Jess: Yeah. Well I'm in New Jersey and I have an office here, so if you are also wondering about the transition from city to suburban life, I will be talking about that on my account too 'cause It's hard, but it's very peaceful and I'm very happy to be here.
Rena: Well I love the color coded book, so I think already you have a great office set up and a great background. So…
Dara: Okay. Forward thinking. I'm actually grateful, I don't know if I've said this before, but I think about it often is I'm grateful to wake up every morning. To have, like, a new day. And I have that often that thought of like, you wake up and it's like, thank God. Like I have a new, a new opportunity to start fresh, to do something totally different, I, if I wanted to, I could do the same thing if I wanted to, but I have, each day that I wake up, it's an opportunity to do something different, to be a better version of myself than it was yesterday. So grateful for today. What about you Rena?
Rena: I will say, I'm grateful for the power of pause and the ability to just push a pause button when you don't wanna make a choice or you don't want to. It's not avoidance, but just saying like, not right now. And I was listening to, I know Dara and I both love Gadalia Fenster. He has a podcast and he was talking the other day about in the Torah, his podcast is based on some Jewish teachings, that it says to pause for 40 days and then make a choice. And I just loved that. So the power of pause, I'm grateful for
Dara: Very Kabbalah. I love that. And it's a, it's a good reminder that that little pause can really open up so much more as opposed to, I think in general we typically are very impulsive beings.
Jess: Oh yeah. So much we do is fast, instant gratification. You know, you want, you want that 'cause you are like, okay, this is good. I'll get what I need, I'll make the decision quickly. But pausing is so hard and ultimately make the better decision when you sit on things. So
Rena: Yeah. And let the world sort of unfold. Right. Sometimes things have to play out and we don't need to control everything. Yeah. Yeah. And also, I totally take this podcast existential conversation.
Dara: I love it. I'm even, I'm even thinking with you, Jess, like to go through things as opposed to around to avoid. There's, there's lots of good nuggets in that too. So lots of good things to leave with today for our listeners.
Rena: Yeah. Thank you so much for coming on and taking the time. I really appreciate it.
Jess: Really appreciate you guys having me. And thank you for taking the time to hear my story.
Dara: Thank you so much for listening today. And always remember: practice gratitude, give a little love to someone else and yourself, and remember you are not alone. Find us on Instagram @fertility_forward and if you're looking for more support, visit us at www.rmany.com and tune in next week for more Fertility Forward.