Your Voice, Your Strength: The Power of Self-Advocacy in Your Fertility Journey— and Beyond | A Patient's Journey
Christina Honeysett is the Co-Founder of The Revive Project at Well Collab and serves as the VP of Communication at a global health nonprofit. Having faced numerous fertility treatments and surrogacy attempts, Christina’s personal journey has fueled her dedication to supporting others facing similar challenges. She is also a volunteer for Resolve: The National Infertility Association, where she has served as New York State Captain. Christina’s unique combination of personal experience and professional insights helps ensure that Revive’s resources are both empathetic and informative.
Nearly 1 in 8 of us are navigating the world of infertility, an experience that can be incredibly isolating and challenging. Having faced multiple unsuccessful IUI, IVF and surrogacy attempts -which included a devastating loss at 12 weeks- I understand all too well the emotional and physical toll this journey can take.
My journey through infertility has been long and complex, beginning in many ways with the lifesaving procedures I underwent in the NICU. These very procedures, which saved my life, paradoxically brought about profound and sometimes painful trade-offs, including cycles starting a very early age of moving from one specialist to another, always searching for answers, fueled by a deep-seated desire to trust that the experts know best, even when something felt off.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that these experiences were shaping a coping mechanism I now refer to as my ‘Pleasing Patient Syndrome’. You maybe know it, too. It’s that feeling when you nod politely, smile sweetly, and quietly go along with whatever the doctor says, even if your inner voice is screaming, “Wait, what?!”—as if we’re trying to earn a gold star for being the ideal, agreeable patient.
It took a particularly disastrous appointment with one specialist to wake me up to the pitfalls of my PPS. There, sitting on that crinkly exam table, I had employed all my tools of my ‘pleasing patient’-hood, and, still, that appointment left me utterly traumatized. This was my wake-up call—a moment of clarity where I realized that while I can't single-handedly fix the medical system (as much as I’d like to), I needed to start becoming my own best advocate. And this time, instead of retreating, I used my voice, and I took action.
From that moment forward, I stopped holding back the questions I once kept to myself. I began openly communicating with my care team, sharing when I felt uneasy and when I needed additional support. And through the care of Dr. Klein at RMA Westchester, whose collaborative and empathetic approach continues to encourage me to take an active role in my treatment, my relationship with my care began to transform—both in my fertility journey and beyond.
As time went on, hearing others voice the similar struggles showed me I was not alone in this, and our shared experiences inspired me to co-found The Revive Project with Chryssa Tsakiris of Well Collab, bringing tools that helped me together with insights from practitioners to support other patients especially those facing infertility in navigating their journeys with greater confidence and clarity.
You might be struggling with your own version of ‘PPS’ if:
- You nod along to medical jargon without really understanding it because you don’t want to seem difficult or uninformed.
- You avoid asking questions because you don’t want to take up too much of the doctor’s time.
- You swallow your discomfort (physical and otherwise) instead of speaking up when something feels off.
- You leave appointments feeling more confused than when you walked in, thinking, “It’s probably just me…”
If this sounds familiar, you are NOT alone. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that being an ‘ideal’ patient means staying quiet, compliant, and unassuming. But self-advocacy during your fertility journey isn’t just important—it’s essential—and your voice can be a powerful instrument of change. So, if you are seeking ways to start taking more control of your healthcare journey, here are approaches that made a difference for me, and they could for you, too:
1. Know What is True for YOU to Shape the Care You Need
Every infertility story is unique, with its own set of challenges and considerations. So think of your fertility journey as a team sport where YOU’RE the team captain: While doctors and medical professionals bring expertise to the table, they don't have the lived experience that you do. Your insights and feelings are crucial pieces of the puzzle that can help guide your care.
When you know what you need, you’re better equipped to communicate effectively with your providers, navigate complex medical choices, and prioritize your physical and emotional health. This self-awareness fosters resilience and confidence, allowing you to actively participate in your care based on your unique circumstances. I found that while it was vulnerable to do so, sharing my medical history in depth with a doctor I trusted in addition to my fears, hopes, goals, and boundaries helped my care team understand my situation better and adjust accordingly. Your experiences and feelings aren’t just valid; they’re key to crafting a treatment plan that is truly tailored to you. If you are looking for prompts to get started, check out the writing exercises in our Waiting Room Workbook.
- Pro-Tip: Prepare for your appointments: Anxiety has a funny way of making you forget things, so write down questions and topics you want to discuss beforehand, so you feel confident you’ll get the information you are seeking.
2. Let Go of the Guilt
One of the sneakiest symptoms of my PPS was guilt. Guilt for taking up time, for asking too many questions. But here’s the thing: Your health and well-being are too important to remain silent about. Need a second opinion? Ask for it. You deserve to be knowledgeable and actively involved in decisions about your treatment, and asking questions and seeking clarity about your diagnosis, treatment options, and potential outcomes is vital. I know now that being informed means I’ll make better decisions about my care, and in some cases, voicing my curiosity and concerns uncovered options I might not have otherwise considered.
Be patient with yourself, and if you’re struggling to feel heard or supported, remember that expressing your concerns is crucial—and there’s no need to feel guilty about it.
- Pro-tip: Be persistent: If you don’t understand something or need more information, don’t hesitate to ask again (and again) or seek additional resources. I still use our Self-Advocacy Script frequently to help guide my healthcare conversations even today.
3. Rely on Your Support System
A strong support system—whether it’s family, friends, or a community of fellow patients—offers more than emotional reassurance: but it’s been a powerful antidote to my PPS, which at times left me feeling isolated and overwhelmed.
You don’t have to shoulder the burden alone. For me, having a team that is both knowledgeable and emotionally supportive has been a gamechanger. The unwavering support from my friends, family, fellow and former patients and my care team at RMA has shown me that every challenge is a step forward, not just a hurdle. And although those hurdles along my path have made trusting at times more difficult, I know now that leaning on a network is a cornerstone of my strength, NOT a sign of weakness.
- Pro-tip: Bring a support person with you: Having a trusted friend or family member can provide emotional support and help you remember important information (because, again, anxiety!).
4. Honor Your Path – Through All Its Variations
You don’t have to have it all together all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel emotional, have doubts, and not have all the answers. What truly matters is your active participation in your care. If you need to cry at an appointment, let it out. If you forget to ask a question, don’t stress—it’s not the end of the world; just follow up. If you’re not in the mood for “stay positive” platitudes and need to let off steam, go ahead (in a safe space). Sometimes, nothing says “I’m navigating infertility” quite like screaming into your pillow or shouting into the void.
The key is to honor your path and acknowledge what is true for YOU, even when things get messy (and they will). Give yourself permission to take breaks and embrace the ways you are showing up, regardless of whatever hiccups along the way.
- Pro-tip: Trust your instincts: If something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut and speak up (seriously). Your comfort and confidence in your care plan are what matter most.
5. Champion Your Emotional Health
In case you haven’t heard: water is wet, the sky is blue, and infertility treatments can profoundly impact your emotional well-being. And depending on your personal history, certain procedures and conversations can be profoundly triggering. Advocating for support for your emotional health—whether through counseling, acupuncture, support groups, or a combination of these—is a crucial part of your overall care. RMA’s Wellness Team offers resources, and there are low-cost options available if your insurance isn’t particularly mental-health friendly. The tools and resources we developed for Revive are inspired by those I’ve relied on in my own journey, and the best part is they’re free. Don’t underestimate the importance of incorporating mental health support into your treatment plan – doing so has been key for me in navigating the emotional ups and downs of this process with greater resilience and strength.
- Pro-tip: Pause before you commit: Instead of rushing to respond, pause to consider your needs and limits. This helps you make decisions that honor your boundaries and overall well-being.
Empowerment Spreads from You to Others
When you advocate for what’s right for you, you’re not just empowering yourself—you’re also paving the way for others on similar journeys. My own medical experiences, along with Chryssa’s, inspired us to create The Revive Project with the hope of encouraging others to take control of their care in ways that work best for them. My work with Resolve: The National Infertility Association has shown me firsthand the power of sharing our stories to inspire policy change. This experience has underscored that while self-advocacy is crucial for amplifying your voice as a patient and ensuring you are heard and respected, it must be paired with systemic reforms, enhanced provider education, and greater transparency to drive the change we need.
While my path to parenthood has been filled with challenges, I hold onto the hope that even the most precarious of beginnings can lead to miracles. My voice has become a vital source of strength—one I trust will guide me through this chapter and those yet to come. May your voice empower you as well, through every twist and turn of your journey.
We’ve got this.
Love,
Christina xo
@revive.wellcollab
www.wellcollab.com/revive